I had to kill a young gull today at work. Snapped its’ neck than held it shut until his heart stop beating. I felt his life slip away from me. I saw the pain leave his eyes. He’s been suffering for weeks. I didn’t realize how much taking that poor bird’s life would effect me. I saw his pupils expand as his heart fainted to a dead stop. Breaking his neck didn’t kill him, suffocation did. Weeks ago I tried saving his and my head guard took him from me and threw him into the woods near the boat launch. I thought about him that whole day and kept thinking about him periodically until now. He was so innocent and scared. I could have done more a while ago and I didn’t and I feel really guilty about that. I took responsibility for the past few weeks of him suffering by taking his life today. I hope I did the right thing…

— Journal