Called out of work to spend the entire day with my mom. I could see how sore and worn down she was. We went to her old neighborhood where she grew up. We talk about my aunt who passed away last year, friends we both have lost, things that scared me but mostly I got to help her through her day.

Even now, she can’t stop working. I have to go back to work tomorrow and thursday and I’m afraid to leave her alone but I too have responsibilities. I doubt I’d be missed if I skipped out on work this week. I’d be back on the job by saturday anyway and like usual…giving up my weekends to a thankless, low wage job.

I use to enjoy going to work than that wore off. Soon, work will be through and I hope with all my heart that on friday, when my mom goes to see the cardiologist, she will find out what is wrong with her and deal with it promptly and successfully.

For now, I worry. I’m so stressed out and upset that I can feel myself blanking out. This scared the shit out of me. Being with my mom today made me realize how old she is getting just in how she moves, how she drives, how she speaks. I’m so freaked out.

The past few years have really taken their toll of my mom. She’s aged about 10. I’d give her ten of my years if I could.

Journal