Well, work was pretty easy going today. I’m kind of bummed out these days having a mountain of friends that have slowly but surely faded from life.
I am alone.
This could be my opportunity to rise from the dust and ashes and win. Win at my goals I set, win at getting the chance to become someone of deep worth and respectable stature, win at taking care of my body, win at being an independent women.
I see all my friends thrive around me. Most of them older. If I gave myself a honest shot at it all, if I understood that the expectations I have of myself are just a barrel full of echoes from the people I once heeded advice from I might be able to move one and forget all the shit that is worth forgetting. Their expectations of me being incredibly unwarranted and in no way helpful.
I finish school
I do my internship
I try to stay in DC if it feels right
and I bust my ass
I hope that all my effort will pay off and by the time I am 30, I would have created a solid foundation to let my career move quickly in front of me. Not be moved by it by only taking what opportunities present themselves but to create opportunities and create a camp of myself and my goals. Very few people gather a following or reputation that is consistent and always thriving. But the honest people with the best intentions are always the one’s that come out on top regardless of what everyone is saying. I need to learn how to be that way.

As of now, I am still swimming in insecurity and a lack of belief in myself. I need to work on that a lot.

— Journal